Why did Mrs. Claus kick Santa out? Because he called her a “Ho, ho, ho!”

I can hear you groaning from here!  But, tis the season to be jolly!  I love a good groaner as much as the next one!

In the holiday spirit, I give you my own rendition of The 12 Days of Christmas!

On the First day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Second day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Third day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

Oh the Fourth day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Four kinds of coffee, three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Fifth day of Christmas my lover gave to me: FIVE LACY THONGS!!! Four kinds of coffee, three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

I am having a ridiculous time thinking up things that are A) sexy, B) up my ally, and C) fit the rhyme and rhythm scheme!  I give up!  I know an extremely kinky versions of the 12 Days of Christmas, full of cock rings and whips and 12 bare hand spankings.  Oh my!

During these holiday times, I like to think back on my life to remind myself how good I have it.  Tis the season for egg nog and holly, but it’s also the cold Winter that chills families without heat, and can even kill those poor souls without shelter.  I donate my time at the VA Hospital throughout the year, but during Winter I walk around handing out food and warm liquids to the homeless vets I know are out pan handling.  If I can (and if they’ll let me) I try to get them into a shelter or even hospital.  It’s not much, but what I do really makes me feel like I’m attempting to do some good in the lives of others.

So, with my preachy preachiness out of the way, can I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, a Memorable Kwanza and a Joyful Solstice.  And, of course, there’s Festivus for the Rest-of-us, air your grievances to the right.

The Importance of Self-Love

 

We all know the old saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”.  We’ve rolled our eyes, chuckled, and went on our way.  No one EVER seems to debate the wisdom of “An ORGASM a day keeps the doctor away,”.  But it’s true!  Here’s an article that encapsulates a study:

“affirms a positive association between later-life health, sexual partnership and sexual activity,”

Now, if you actually read that article, it talks about how over-all, men have a shorter lifespan than women.  I don’t think that’s a revelation for many people.  What is interesting, is that unlike women, men actively desire sex longer (72% vs only 11% ages 57-85), and those men who do have an active sex life can add 5-11 years onto their life.  That number is increased even more if the man is not just sexually active, but physically active and moving about.

In all fairness, the above article that references the study done by the British Medical Group has come under fire; it’s not an accurate subsection of people, it could have been coincidence, but based on my (admittedly self-selected) data, I’d like to believe it’s true.  I don’t care if it’s confirmation bias!

So, for better health, take your sexuality in hand (or someone else’s) and maybe send a bit of that good energy my way!

What I really want to talk about, though, is the concept of self-love to keep one happy and whole.  (And before you start making masturbation jokes, I’ve heard them all) Here’s an article discussing non-sexual things one might do to pamper your body and calm your mind.  It’s geared mostly to women but who says a manly man can’t take a bubble bath?

My business and lifestyle can take tolls on my body.  If I want to be in tip-top condition, I have to remember to eat right, sleep enough, drink lots of water and be mindful of when was the last time I was outside?  Today, I decided that I should have a monthly ritual in which to pamper and self-love myself to get me back into 100% mode.  It is my personal opinion that these things are omnisexual, and I encourage my men to at least try some or all of these things (you can thank me later!)

• Take the day off!
• Moisturizing facial
• Full-body massage
• Deluxe Pedicure
• Shop My Favorite Stores
• Eat an Artisan Cupcake

Then, at night, when I’m curled up comfy on my couch with a mug of tea and some kettle corn, I watch a comfort movie (Disney, a musical, or a documentary about puppies), and when I put myself to bed on freshly laundered sheets I thank myself for a day well spent (sorry boys, a lady never kisses and tells, even if it’s with herself!)

I’ve been trying to do this once a month for a year; I always seem to find something else that is more important.  Nothing is more important than your health.  Physical, mental, sexual, psychological, they are all important.  And we tend to ignore one for the other, if we pay attention at all.  No more.  I’ve found the salon of my dreams and a LMP who is easy to schedule with and adores me.  Why shouldn’t I take care of myself first?

I would LOVE to hear what you do to relax after a hard day/week/month.  Give me ideas!

In Which Magdalene Conjours Fantasy

 

I adore what I do. I get to wake up every day, become the epitome of sensuality, and indulge in the wants, needs, and desires of men. I live for it. I long for it. I often watch people when I’m in public, trying to discern what would make their skin shiver, their mouths water, and their hearts race with passion.

I imagine that my small skill in divining one’s desires comes from two decades of watching people. Sussing out why they did this or that, how gratification works within our social construct. I’m sure my time studying psychology plays a part in understanding motivation, and how the more taboo a thing is, the more we seem to crave it. Last, but not least, my time spent in the Army showed me what longing for something can do to people. How harsh structure and oppressive environments can turn someone into a ravening beast when they are allowed freedom, or it can create someone who is so thankful and grateful for the small kindnesses in life they almost defy expectation.

 

Some desires are carnal, passionate, obscure or even reckless.  Some desires stem from a fantasy one has never fulfilled, or an image one got from a book or movie.  Some desires are near-innocent in their nature, but even a softer desire can send one into a kind of frenzy…