On Being A Patron

Hello, lovers and dreamers!  Today I want to talk about something I can’t believe I’ve never written about: What exactly is a Patron, why would you ever want to be one, and just exactly why do I offer it anyway?


What is a Patron:

Dictionary definition of Patron (and I paraphrasing) is “someone who supports, either financially, creatively, or socially, the arts, an artist, or other creative person”.  In short, a Patron is someone who gives money (usually) to support the lifestyle of someone who they feel has merit as an artist, creator, or other kind of artist.  To /me/, a Patron is someone who chooses to see me regularly, in part because they know they are helping to support me and my endeavors, and they feel that this is a good thing.  My Patrons also continue to see me because they know I treat them like Kings, as they deserve, and I have some kind of addictive quality that they just can’t stay away from! (little joke)

Really, I started my Patron Service to reward the loyalty of my regular clients.  I know in our business there is a veritable sea of providers that one could see, and variety being the spice of life I always assume that a client will (rightfully) go play with many people.  Sometimes, though, they are seeking something a bit more permanent, an arrangement where we can grow and learn about each other, where feelings of mutual care of trust can be established, and a level of comfort and ease can be developed over time.  My Patron Services are ideal for a man like that, because I try very hard to make each tryst, regardless of how many times a man has seen me, comfortable, engaging, erotic and fun, and my Patrons really do appreciate that from me.

Financially, Patronship can work in a man’s favor.  Regularly scheduled appointments mean easier time management, budgeting, and there are never any confusion at to the rate, as the rate never changes.  Depending on the frequency of one’s Patronship desires a man can save a considerable amount of money over time, since as the frequency goes up, the rate per hour goes down, as both incentive and thanks.

Not everyone can be a Patron (if we have trouble connecting mentally or emotionally, Patronship isn’t usually a good fit), and it is obviously my choice whether to extend Patronship at all, but inquires are always welcome and I haven’t, to date, ever had to deny the priviledge to someone.

Why Would I Want to Be One:

Well, bluntly, to save money, to feel good about supporting my endeavors so that I continue to be able to offer wonderful services, and to have the hassle of scheduling, confusion of rates, and so on be a worry of the past.  Here’s some examples of what I mean-

A client wishes to see me once a week, but is unable to budget for my regular rate.  As a Patron, he enjoys a rate that is $100 less than my regular hourly rate, can be assured that I will be ready, wiling, and waiting each week at the same time (removing the hassle of emails and scheduling woes) and his desire to have a lover but also a friend is met within the guidelines of my profession.

And so it goes with all arrangements.  The Patron discounts differ depending on frequency and solidity of a schedule, and the best part of them in my opinion is that I truly get to know you.  Your likes, dislikes, I can easily set up a snack or drink service for you without worrying that you won’t like it, and the relief that is a regular, dedicated schedule can’t be under sold for me.  I much rather have a good, solid foundation schedule than rush and worry all month.

Why I Offer it in the First Place:

I’m pretty sure I’ve already answered this question in the above paragraphs, but to reiterate, I offer Patron Services because I truly believe that loyalty should be rewarded, especially in this kind of situation where there is SO MUCH variety.  I much prefer building relationships over months and years than constantly having to meet and understand a person only once over and over again, though that can be fun sometimes a girl wants to relax with a known entity, ya know?  I think the easiest way to explain it is like this:

I believe in rewarding loyalty, building relationships, and setting comfortable boundaries.  Patronship allows me all of this and more, and I believe that what I do, I do best with a little bit of personal knowledge.

Trials, Tribulations, Tribbles and Termites

Sometimes I find that when I’m truly and thoroughly stressed out I can turn to alliteration to help alleviate some of the profound, personal pressure.  (see what I did there?)

Instead of sending out 20+ emails individually (and inevitably missing a few lovely people) I thought I’d put something up here.  My blog seems to reach far more people than I initially thought, my “lurker” count has shot through the roof in recent months.  I know it sucks when someone you like goes dark online.  One of my favorite bloggers (the absolutely fabulous Allie Brosh from Hyperbole and a Half) has been known to go dark for almost a year at a time, which sends her many, many readers into a frantic tail spin.  While I am not no where near as funny (or, let’s face it, popular!) I know a few of you have sent curious emails about me and my whereabouts.  Here’s a short and condensed version:

Some old injuries from my Army days are rearing their ugly little heads.  I’ve never hid my nerve damage but I’ve never yelled it from the roof tops either, but I have sort of kept another injury under wraps: I got my noggin whacked pretty good on a few occasions (which happens in the military, I swear it’s not anything noteworthy in my case) and was recently diagnosed with a mild TBI.  This little persnickety problem has plagued me for quite some time without a name, contributing to memory loss, lack of energy, tinnitus and vertigo.  This, in turn, has really made it difficult to keep any kind of schedule on my own.  What’s worse is that if I don’t write everything down, I’m liable to forget it.  This has manifested in missed doctor’s appointments, birthdays, and most egregiously I have been known to agree to sessions or meet and greets only to forget them completely since I wasn’t able to write it down in a calendar.  So these past few months have been dedicated to getting a handle on this and I think I’m getting much, much better.  Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I’m far too independent and headstrong to let something as trivial as a physical condition to keep me down!

Now, the bad news:  I can’t seem to deal with the “new” G-Mail set up.  I’m losing “verified” lists, my website domain isn’t filtering into my inbox properly, and I think someone thought they’d be funny and sign me up for a bunch of really craptastic email listservs.  I’m looking into another email change, and I’m checking one or two paid email services to facilitate things a bit more economically, so give me a little leeway to that.  I’m putting up an auto-reply message that just asks for some patience until I figure everything out.  Any techy types who have an opinion on small business email solutions or other communication services is welcome to contact me here or privately.

But wait, there’s more!  The good news is that the holiday season is here, and with it comes end-of-year special rates and hopefully a few new photo shoots.  I have a few new recipes under my sleeve that I’m really looking forward to show everyone, and while I was away I was sent not one but two really interesting Ask Mag! queries.  I ask for patience and promise that there are a few surprises coming up that I think will go a long way towards my forgiveness (consider it my version of sexy penance)

That’s all for now darlings.  Glad to be back, here’s to another go at it!

Ask Mag says “Stop Stressin’!”

It’s that time again, where lil ol’ me gets to answer (or attempt to answer) a burning question about either the business, the method, the mind-set, or something deliciously sexy!  Remember that all emails/suggestions are kept confidential, and I will at time paraphrase the question for clarity and brevity.  Off-limit topics include specific personal life stories from yours truly, any information about specific clients or providers, and obviously anything (grossly) lewd or disgusting.  I like to think my life is an open book, but I guard sensitive information like a fat kid guards cake.  (I do not mean that in an offensive tone.  I’m a fat kid and I LOVE cake)


Now, onwards to questions!


A lovely reader and fan, whom I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, writes:


Dear Magdalene,

I’ve only seen a few women and I keep having the same problem of being insanely nervous that they won’t like me.  I know it’s stupid sounding but I’m not a good-looking man and I don’t want them thinking I’m disgusting.  Any way of getting me over this problem?


A Big Ol’ Fan

First off, my darling, what we find attractive when we look in the mirror very rarely corresponds with what others find attractive.  Just because you don’t look like Matthew McConaughey (or have his abs) doesn’t mean you aren’t a fine-looking gentleman.  So get that out of your head.  Same deal with your body type.  Most women in this business realize that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and there isn’t just ONE kind of body that comes to them.  I, personally, would prefer a scrubbed clean Dilbert rather than an unwashed and sweaty Adonis.  But that’s just me.

As for your question, it boils down to “Will she like me?”.  If I were to write some of the most common things I hear from clients and potential clients (and maybe one day I will) the whole problem of “Will she like me?” would be in the top 5.  Now, there are mercenary ways of attacking this problem, and there is sweeter, more holistic ways.  Since I like to think that I am a sweet natured person, let’s go that route first:

I, personally, pride myself on being able to find at least one thing about a person that is attractive.  Gorgeous eyes, whip-smart intellect, kind voice, that sort of thing.  You worry about the Companion you are about to see because you have a kind soul, and you see your Companion as a person first, and a professional second.  I’ve found that the men who see me as a commodity rarely seem to care at all past their own needs and desires.  While this is a perfectly legitimate way of thinking, and can be done in such a way it isn’t readily apparent, it isn’t my preferred way to do things.

Your Companion, if she’s worth her salt, will be able to pick up on that kind hearted nervousness and hopefully put you at ease in a jiffy.  If you are punctual, scrub yourself down in the shower, and lay her tribute in the open you have already jumped the biggest hurdle she’s worried about.  (If I were to make a list of provider gripes, lack of hygiene tops the list easily)  You may want to tell her that you care about her needs as well as your own, and believe her when she tells you what she wants to do.  Take her welcoming smile and her warm embraces at face value, and know that she is choosing to be there, with you, in that moment, because there is something appealing inside of you.  Don’t get too hung up on what she wants and needs, because she will tell you.  You should feel free to focus on your own desires, whatever they may be.  That’s the whole reason you are there!  I’m a giver, I’d rather focus on your pleasure than worry about me.

Now, a mercenary thought is “Well, she’s pretending to like you for your money!” or “All those women really just hate men, so it’s not worth trying to please them!”  and while I’m sure there are women who fit this bill, I am personally appalled at the thought.  Not all money is good money, as they say.  And no amount of cash would convince me to get into bed with someone I detested on sight.  Avoiding the women who think this way is as easy as researching your potential Companion.  Is she warm, welcoming, accepting?  Has she a reputation of calming nerves,  pampering her suitors?  Does she legitimately seem to enjoy what she’s doing?  These are the signs of a woman who will not only welcome you into her bed, but will most likely welcome you back again and again!

So, to re-cap!:

  • Be punctual, clean, and courteous
  • Voice your own desires, and desire to please
  • Take her enthusiasm at face value
  • Don’t dwell on cynicism
  • Research before you book

How’s that?  Class is still in session, and I will be taking questions and comments below!

What’s In Your Hooker Bag?


Oh yay my first official Ask Mag! Entry!

Mysterious Stranger* writes:

Mag, I’m a huge fan of your blog! [aww thanks!]. My question is this: I see a lot of girls in my home, and sometimes they show up with a small duffle bag of stuff! It’s not very discreet. What do you take to outcalls, so I can link those girls to your blog?

*I made up this name. I don’t want to run the risk of someone recognizing a nom de plume. I’ll make up a name for each entry

Well, Mr. Mysterious, first of all I’m sorry that the girls you are choosing have such a lack of creativity! Asking a girl to be discreet when they come to your home is a fair and easy request to make, I think. Here’s what I bring to every out call. Feel free to send them this list or link back to my blog.

In a small handbag (roughly 10inX6inX3in)

  • 6 condoms (flavored,
  • small/med/large, latex and latex-free
  • Small tube of water-based lube
  • Two pairs of undies
  • Two pair non-latex gloves
  • ACLU “Don’t Talk To Cops” card (don’t judge. It could happen)
  • Small make-up kit w/ lipstick, powder, eye shadow and concealer
  • Travel hair brush
  • Travel toothbrush, paste and mouth wash
  • Travel deodorant
  • Baby powder
  • Baby oil
  • Now, for special requests, I have a shoulder bag big enough for a pair of heels, change of clothes/lingerie, a few toys and maybe a few nibbles, but that’s strictly on request. A girl should be able to carry her “essentials” in a tiny purse. Hell, the hair brush, tooth brush, make up and skin care things could be easily stashed in the lady’s car and never brought up to the clients’ house.

    As a little afterward, a girl should always travel with her own condoms and lube. Yes, I know most guys are thoughtful and keep their own stash, but girls, DON’T RELY ON IT. It’s unprofessional. Plus, you never know if his condoms are old, punctured, or disagree with your lady bits.

    Woo! How’s that for the first crack at Ask Mag!?