On Being A Patron

Hello, lovers and dreamers!  Today I want to talk about something I can’t believe I’ve never written about: What exactly is a Patron, why would you ever want to be one, and just exactly why do I offer it anyway?

 

What is a Patron:

Dictionary definition of Patron (and I paraphrasing) is “someone who supports, either financially, creatively, or socially, the arts, an artist, or other creative person”.  In short, a Patron is someone who gives money (usually) to support the lifestyle of someone who they feel has merit as an artist, creator, or other kind of artist.  To /me/, a Patron is someone who chooses to see me regularly, in part because they know they are helping to support me and my endeavors, and they feel that this is a good thing.  My Patrons also continue to see me because they know I treat them like Kings, as they deserve, and I have some kind of addictive quality that they just can’t stay away from! (little joke)

Really, I started my Patron Service to reward the loyalty of my regular clients.  I know in our business there is a veritable sea of providers that one could see, and variety being the spice of life I always assume that a client will (rightfully) go play with many people.  Sometimes, though, they are seeking something a bit more permanent, an arrangement where we can grow and learn about each other, where feelings of mutual care of trust can be established, and a level of comfort and ease can be developed over time.  My Patron Services are ideal for a man like that, because I try very hard to make each tryst, regardless of how many times a man has seen me, comfortable, engaging, erotic and fun, and my Patrons really do appreciate that from me.

Financially, Patronship can work in a man’s favor.  Regularly scheduled appointments mean easier time management, budgeting, and there are never any confusion at to the rate, as the rate never changes.  Depending on the frequency of one’s Patronship desires a man can save a considerable amount of money over time, since as the frequency goes up, the rate per hour goes down, as both incentive and thanks.

Not everyone can be a Patron (if we have trouble connecting mentally or emotionally, Patronship isn’t usually a good fit), and it is obviously my choice whether to extend Patronship at all, but inquires are always welcome and I haven’t, to date, ever had to deny the priviledge to someone.

Why Would I Want to Be One:

Well, bluntly, to save money, to feel good about supporting my endeavors so that I continue to be able to offer wonderful services, and to have the hassle of scheduling, confusion of rates, and so on be a worry of the past.  Here’s some examples of what I mean-

A client wishes to see me once a week, but is unable to budget for my regular rate.  As a Patron, he enjoys a rate that is $100 less than my regular hourly rate, can be assured that I will be ready, wiling, and waiting each week at the same time (removing the hassle of emails and scheduling woes) and his desire to have a lover but also a friend is met within the guidelines of my profession.

And so it goes with all arrangements.  The Patron discounts differ depending on frequency and solidity of a schedule, and the best part of them in my opinion is that I truly get to know you.  Your likes, dislikes, I can easily set up a snack or drink service for you without worrying that you won’t like it, and the relief that is a regular, dedicated schedule can’t be under sold for me.  I much rather have a good, solid foundation schedule than rush and worry all month.

Why I Offer it in the First Place:

I’m pretty sure I’ve already answered this question in the above paragraphs, but to reiterate, I offer Patron Services because I truly believe that loyalty should be rewarded, especially in this kind of situation where there is SO MUCH variety.  I much prefer building relationships over months and years than constantly having to meet and understand a person only once over and over again, though that can be fun sometimes a girl wants to relax with a known entity, ya know?  I think the easiest way to explain it is like this:

I believe in rewarding loyalty, building relationships, and setting comfortable boundaries.  Patronship allows me all of this and more, and I believe that what I do, I do best with a little bit of personal knowledge.

Confession Time: I’m a procrastinator…

But I’ll bet all of you have found that out!  Sadly, this blog has fallen into that strange box of “get to it when there’s time” but then something else more pressing jumps up and down at me and demands my attention, wash, rinse, repeat, and so goes the blog!

I’m sorry, lovers, I really am.  To make up for it, I’m doing something I’ve never done before.  I’m going to put a story on here that I’m working on for my pseudo-memoir that may or may not ever get finished.  Criticism is welcome as long as it’s in a respectful tone, even if it’s negative (actually, especially if it’s negative.  I’ve done some of my best work after getting dressed down by a peer or teacher)

 

OK.  Without further ado, here is a small excerpt of my book-in-progress.  Enjoy.

 

Reflections

 

My alarm app trills it’s pseudo-Japanese arpeggio at 9am.  Blurry-eyed and not a little irritated, I fish it out from beneath my pillows and switch it off.  It’s Monday morning, and it’s time to get ready for work.

Stage One of Morning Ritual: Caffeinate.

I don’t eat breakfast, usually, at least not right as I wake up.  It makes me bloat, sick to my stomach, and I’ve never been one to be hungry in the morning.  Coffee (fresh from my very own french press) sweetened with brown sugar and a pat of unsalted butter suffices for my morning wake up. (Seriously, try the butter trick.  Luxurious, creamy goodness awaits you.)  Once properly caffeinated, I can’t procrastinate any  longer, so it’s on to stage two of Morning Ritual.

Stage Two of Morning Ritual: Get Pretty

I always shower before work.  I know some girls can get away with showering the night before a morning appointment, but I always feel a little grimy after I sleep, especially during the summer.  I use natural, unscented products where I can, but my peppermint body wash is subtle enough I’ve never heard of the perfume migrating off of me onto someone else, plus it makes my skin tingle, so it’s my exception.  Once my hair is clean, and I’ve shaved, bugged, exfoliated and completed other magic potion-y things, I just stand under the scalding spray and breathe in the steam.  I put myself in a state of relaxed expectation, a sort of calm joy with a hint of impish glee.  I’m always my best when I can approach the day with a bit of mischievous verve.  I also might masturbate, but then, who -doesn’t- rub one out in the shower now and again?

Out of the shower, toweled down and stark naked, it’s Lotion Time.  Finding unscented, light weight lotion is more difficult that you think.  I swear Big Lotion is in cahoots with Big Perfume, and they just seem to think all of us ladies -want- to smell like sticky, melted ice cream or like we just rolled in a pile of rotting flowers, but I digress.  I use Burt’s Bees Milk and Honey, which is technically scented, but it soaks in well and smelling like sweet milk seems to agree with me.  Lotion goes everywhere I can reach, but hands, feet, knees and elbows receive special attention.  In the same vein as the lotion (to remove roughness and increase softness, of course) my nails get a once over with an emory board.  Appearances always matter, and in my case that first impression is the difference between a one off client and repeat business.

Hair and make up come next, and that is the most variable part of Stage 2: Get Pretty.  Hair is always soft and touchable, but depending on the client it can be tousled bed head, bouncy, co-ed pony tail, elaborate curls or somewhere in between.  Likewise, my make up can be understated and natural, vintage cat-eye eyeliner and ruby lipstick, or completely bare-faced (which, I won’t lie, still means I have make up on.  What most people think of as “bare faced” actually include tinted moisturizer, setting powder, mascara and lip gloss.  I promise.)  For those with no strong opinion, I usually pull my curled hair back into hair combs and put on my “Bettie Page” face: fresh-faced pin-up with dark eyes and a pouty red lip.  All of my make up is kiss-proof and water-resistant, and I’ve never had a complaint about errant lipstick on the collar (in fact, most women call that 24 hour lipstick “blow job proof lipstick” but I’m classy so I don’t).  It’s these touches that I believe puts me an inch above the competition, (and I can use all the height I can get!) and I pride myself in doing the little things to make each tryst special, memorable, but completely discreet.  Speaking of special, let’s talk about the wrapping of this tasty present.

Stage 3: Dressing

Stage 3: Dressing is always fun.  Without a client suggestion (in which I can be everything from a doe-eyed college girl to a lace-covered vamp) I wear my favorite lingerie: red or black satin, seamed stockings, and garters to match, edge in lace or ribbon.  Easy enough to pull of in the heat of passion, but just delicate enough to require an ounce of restraint.  I find anticipation to be quite the heady aphrodisiac.

Once I am powdered, fluffed, painted and adored, I take a long pose in my full length mirror, and I inspect my handiwork.  A few turns, practice some seductive and flirty facial expression, fondle the girls a bit, marvel in the softness of my body.  It’s always a good rule that if you can’t turn yourself on, how can you expect to turn on anyone else?  This is the last stage, which really isn’t a stage at all:

Stage ??: Reflection

I’ve always been a kind of voyeur, I can’t help it.  By studying my own movements I can always find ways to improve- turn out the hip, bend that knee, lift up the chin more- and I have a distinctly alluring fantasy to offer up to my lucky client.

My work phone chimes: my first appointment of the day is parking.  I send a flirty text in reply, letting him know I’m anxiously waiting with bated breath.  He hits the door code and I buzz him in.  As I open the door to my Love Nest for him to slip through, I smile my wicked smile and throw my arms around him, for all the world welcoming back a long lost lover.  As we pull away from my greeting kiss, I can see in his eyes he is quite taken with me, already, and I know all my preparations are worth every minute.

 

How About a Relaxing Day At The Spa

My darling readers,

I have been kicking around this idea for quite some time now, and I think I’ve got most of the bugs and kinks banged out at this point.  The following is a sample of copy that is due to go up on my website when I get back from Hawaii.  What  I need from you, dear readers, is feedback!  Feedback life you’ve never feedback’d before!  I need you to poke holes in my ideas, to offer up your own wants and desires when you think of a “man’s spa”, or tell me exactly /how/ you prefer to be shorn!  Note that I do NOT know how to cut hair, and that would be a disastrous thing to add to my list of pamper.  I will be hammering out details right up until launch day, and probably even after that, so nothing is set in stone!

What I also need, dear lovers and dreamers, are test subjects!   Who wants to be this hot bunny’s test body?  For the entire month of April I will be offering, at a 50% discount, all of these services to those willing to be a test subject for my new spa packages.  The catch is this:  You must give me your honest feedback on my skill, your comfort, what I should do differently and what you loved AND you must write me a little review to announce my services to our community.  Game?

Oh!  I nearly forgot: to the ladies on my blog (how I love you!) please don’t think that just because I’m calling this a “man’s spa” you can’t indulge!  Contact me directly if you are too shy to post here, but these services are for -all- my clients, regardless of gender.

With no further ado!

Continue reading

Trials, Tribulations, Tribbles and Termites

Sometimes I find that when I’m truly and thoroughly stressed out I can turn to alliteration to help alleviate some of the profound, personal pressure.  (see what I did there?)

Instead of sending out 20+ emails individually (and inevitably missing a few lovely people) I thought I’d put something up here.  My blog seems to reach far more people than I initially thought, my “lurker” count has shot through the roof in recent months.  I know it sucks when someone you like goes dark online.  One of my favorite bloggers (the absolutely fabulous Allie Brosh from Hyperbole and a Half) has been known to go dark for almost a year at a time, which sends her many, many readers into a frantic tail spin.  While I am not no where near as funny (or, let’s face it, popular!) I know a few of you have sent curious emails about me and my whereabouts.  Here’s a short and condensed version:

Some old injuries from my Army days are rearing their ugly little heads.  I’ve never hid my nerve damage but I’ve never yelled it from the roof tops either, but I have sort of kept another injury under wraps: I got my noggin whacked pretty good on a few occasions (which happens in the military, I swear it’s not anything noteworthy in my case) and was recently diagnosed with a mild TBI.  This little persnickety problem has plagued me for quite some time without a name, contributing to memory loss, lack of energy, tinnitus and vertigo.  This, in turn, has really made it difficult to keep any kind of schedule on my own.  What’s worse is that if I don’t write everything down, I’m liable to forget it.  This has manifested in missed doctor’s appointments, birthdays, and most egregiously I have been known to agree to sessions or meet and greets only to forget them completely since I wasn’t able to write it down in a calendar.  So these past few months have been dedicated to getting a handle on this and I think I’m getting much, much better.  Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I’m far too independent and headstrong to let something as trivial as a physical condition to keep me down!

Now, the bad news:  I can’t seem to deal with the “new” G-Mail set up.  I’m losing “verified” lists, my website domain isn’t filtering into my inbox properly, and I think someone thought they’d be funny and sign me up for a bunch of really craptastic email listservs.  I’m looking into another email change, and I’m checking one or two paid email services to facilitate things a bit more economically, so give me a little leeway to that.  I’m putting up an auto-reply message that just asks for some patience until I figure everything out.  Any techy types who have an opinion on small business email solutions or other communication services is welcome to contact me here or privately.

But wait, there’s more!  The good news is that the holiday season is here, and with it comes end-of-year special rates and hopefully a few new photo shoots.  I have a few new recipes under my sleeve that I’m really looking forward to show everyone, and while I was away I was sent not one but two really interesting Ask Mag! queries.  I ask for patience and promise that there are a few surprises coming up that I think will go a long way towards my forgiveness (consider it my version of sexy penance)

That’s all for now darlings.  Glad to be back, here’s to another go at it!

1950s House Wife Experience, Anyone?

 

Let me tell you about a fantastic offering I have had hidden away on my website:

1950s Housewife Experience (HWE) . For the man who, after a hard day’s labor, wants nothing more than to come home to a home-cooked meal, a beautiful lady in her best back seam stockings and pearls, and perhaps a well-shaken martini.

I am happy to host this little getaway, for the man who prefers to play away from home. Give me at least four hours of your time, and I will take you on a most luxurious and dare I say deeply domestic journey.

We begin, obviously, with a welcome kiss at the door. I will take your hat and jacket, while you settle yourself on my couch with a drink in hand. Relax as I remove your shoes and administer a foot rub as I ask about your day. Dinner is smelling delightful, and we soon find ourselves at the table, witty banter, flirtatious looks, and a glass of wine as we enjoy a meal perfectly prepared.

After dinner, of course, comes dessert! We can undress each other, peeling layer after layer down, until I am down to my stockings and garter. Would you enjoy a sudsy couple’s shower so I can scrub and rub away the day’s labor? Or perhaps you would prefer to stretch out on my queen sized bed for a relaxing and arousing massage with hot oils? I can feed you strawberries and cream while you lay back in my arms, or perhaps I can become your dessert plate as you lick chocolate and honey from my supple breast and soft skin.

From there, satin sheets and fast-beating hearts do their duty and call us to more carnal desires… a lady never reveals all of her secrets…

What more could a busy man ask for than engaging conversation, a truly lovely dinner companion, and the luxury of being pampered like the king you are?

This offering isn’t for everyone, surely, but I do adore building a specific and intimate encounter that only you and I will share together. I am happy to converse at length about this particular offering, to tailor it just so to your exacting standards.

 

Those of you who follow me on the boards have probably come across my most recent ad, in which I showcase my newly coined offering The HouseWife Experience (HWE).  Without becoming overly loquacious, which is my wont when I get truly excited, I have tried to evoke a very specific fantasy I’ve had the pleasure to meter out a few times before.  It is the very discerning man that would request such a time-intensive play-acting scene, but it is a particular favorite of mine for a number of reasons.

 

First an foremost, it is ALWAYS a treat to be able to dress up in my flowing dresses, back seam stockings, garter, girdle, heels, and the rest to be admired for more than the span of the walk from the door to the bedroom.  I can spend upwards of two hours on my “look”, given adequate motivation, and darn it if it isn’t a little discouraging when in the first ten minutes my lipstick is smeared and my hair pins have been tousled out of my hair.  (Please don’t twist my meaning, sometimes that last image is exactly what I am wanting and going for.  There IS a proper time and place for everything, even smeared lipstick!)

 

I think more generally, however, I just enjoy cooking for someone.  I grew up in a household where home-cooked meals, while more common than most, was more of a statement of intent and love than just a vehicle to feed the lot of us.  My father did all the cooking, and ever the showman he took great pride in not only concocting delicious dishes, but he painstakingly developed the ability to make everything look amazing as well.  Asparagus spears laid out ramrod straight with artful drizzles of hollandaise sauce.  Rack of lamb with hand-made crowns tufted in gold foil around the bones.  Perfectly steamed carrots, bright orange, punctured with dots of clove and lemon zest.  Presentation is part of the meal, I was raised to believe, and a truly appetizing plate not only smells and tastes delicious, it looks the part, too. It’s no fun to stir up a pot of soup for one, or to spend 30 minutes whipping red potatoes with cream, butter, chives and chicken broth just for little ol’ me.  So I spend most nights with perfectly nourishing but boring food.  Given the slightest provocation, however, and I can create pineapple upsidedown tarts with raspberries, swirled white chocolate mocha brownies, or lemon chicken linguine with pesto and broccoli.  I cook with butter and salt, garlic and cream.  I love mixing colors and textures in a pleasing fashion, but it only counts if it’s for someone else.

 

This idea started, like so many do, out of curious necessity   I had a client who had just moved to this city, and was quite literally living (and eating) out of boxes.  He confessed to me that though he knew how to use a stove and oven, he never learned how to cook for himself. His idea of a “home cooked meal” was popping something frozen in the broiler for two hours, not caring about the burnt edges or watery middle of those mass produced frozen monstrosities they sell in grocery stores.  I offered to come over and make him something “simple”.  He said his favorite meal his mother used to make him was meat loaf, so I came over with some ground pork, lamb and beef, some home made bread crumbs and about a pound of yukon gold potatoes and got to work.  

 

I don’t need to tell you that his house lacked something fierce for spices, and I didn’t even think to bring my own.  I made do with flaked black pepper, table salt, ketchup and brown sugar.  With no chicken broth in sight, I suctioned off some of the resulting “loaf” drippings and used them to blend the potatoes into stiff peaks.  Ketchup mixed with a slightly obscene amount of brown sugar created a sticky sweet glaze for the meat loaf.  In two hours his house smelled like meat and sugar, not an unhappy aroma.  He remarked on how famished he was, and how his house had never smelled so good.

 

That first dinner was a wake up call for me.  Though the meal itself was quite plain by my standards, the client was satisfied down to his bones!  In a way I’ve never fully appreciated until then, he became more comfortable in his skin, and more genuine in his desires.  During the washing up he quipped that perhaps I should take off my pretty dress, in case I got soap on it.  I stripped down and he stared in awe at my girdle attached to garter straps and stockings.  He had no idea that I was vintage to my skin!  I gave a show of sudsing up the plates and utensils, buffing and rubbing and honestly making an absolutely obscene spectacle of myself.  After that it was just a matter of time before he whisked me away to the bedroom.

 

In the resulting shower, as I scrubbed his back clean of sweat and lust, he remarked on how I should come over again and do “that wife stuff” for him.  I obliged, and for almost a year we had a weekly night where I would arrive close after he returned from work around 6pm, dinner at 7:15pm sharp, and after a snuggle and a movie (with wine and chocolate, naturally) I would “perform my marital duties” with a vigor that would make a real June Cleaver blush!  A kiss goodnight at midnight and I would be off, and he would think on the next meal he would have with me.

 

Over that year I perfected my domestic skills.  Laundry, ironing, the dreaded vaccuming and dusting.  I learned how to hem slacks, sew buttons onto popped shirts, starch collars and tie ties.  I learned how to polish shoes to a high shine, and found out just why copper bottomed pots are so superior to their counterparts.  I learned how to be a perfect wife.  

 

But just for a night.  That’s where the fantasy lies, in that perfection.  I would make a horrible “real” wife, you see.  But I do so love playing the part, that I always look forward to those nights when the work load is tiring and the laundry is piling up, and my client needs his “little wifey” to materialize.  June Cleaver, eat your heart out.  

 

What exactly IS a Patron?

pa·tron

/ˈpātrən/

Noun
  1. A person who gives financial or other support to a person, organization, cause, or activity.
  2. A customer, esp. a regular one, of a store, restaurant, or theater.

 

Some of my sexy gentlemen have been asking questions about just exactly what this Patron thing is all about.  Let me give a brief explanation:

I believe loyalty should be rewarded.  I also believe that building relationships and rapport creates a much better session than a single one-off with a lady like me.  Therefore, those men who feel similarly receive a bit of a financial break as a small thank you from me.

Dedicated once a month– This is for the man who requires a strict schedule to blend seamlessly into his life.  I dedicate a specific day just for you, each month, for your convenience.  (this is at my current hourly rates)

Dedicated twice a month– This is for the active gentleman who requires a “therapist” or “personal trainer” to keep him charged up and refreshed.  Twice a month I will set aside a day and time that you have chosen (either the 1st and 3rd week, or the 2nd and 4th, whichever is easiest for you) and as a small bonus, $25 off each hour.

Dedicated weekly– This is for the truly luxuriant man who feels a regular schedule keeps him fit, happy, and healthy!  Studies have shown that regular (read, once or twice a week) physical release boosts dopamine and melatonin levels, regulates hormones and raises one’s testosterone levels.  It’s also heart healthy and damn fun!  This connoisseur can expect a $50 discount per hour.

Option of Pre-Payment– What if all of the above sounds good, but you aren’t able to lock down a specific day every week/month?  One option is prepayment.  a Green Dot MoneyPak card with the prescribed amount ($250+) sent to me in the beginning of each month.  With payment out of the way, you can then find time in your schedule while still reaping the benefits of Patronage.

I also have an option, not specifically mentioned on my website, where $1500 prepayment secures two separate overnights, including a home cooked meal, dessert after, and even breakfast in the morning.  My studio is well-equipped for such adventures, and I’m not afraid to cook bacon naked!  For those men who have developed this kind of relationship with me, I feel I become more therapist and companion than a hired playmate.  Note that this special offering isn’t for everyone, but I have had very few encounters with someone I simply did not click with.  It’s most definitely a niche offering, which is why I haven’t ever spoken of it so blatantly until now.  Inquiring minds just had to know!

Did This Sentence Catch Your Attention?

They say that a catchy title filled with buzz words is the best way to get people to read your blog.  No one wants to read: “This is how my day went” but if you put in “Hit-and-Run, how I learned humans bounce” something tells me you will go past the jump to see just what the hell this person is talking about.  (The “jump” is the internet equivalent of the fold in a newspaper, pretty much)  In my loathsome absence of this lovely blog I have been researching just how to grab my readers’ attention.  Buzz words, topical sentences, funny quotes and outlandish claims all top the bill to “hook” a reader.  The body of work then must live up to the title, which is where a lot of bloggers (me included!) fall short.  I meander, as if we were having a one-on-one conversation.  I’m told people like that kind of writing, feels personal and intimate, but at the same time I want my readers to be engaged with what I am writing.  Voyeuristic, titillating, and informative are my new words to measure my posts by.  If I can’t make my readers feel those things, I need to figure out just what to do to fix it.

In keeping with my new-found verve, let me explain what is to come in the next few months and how I plan on keeping your attention:

  • My Love-Nest is officially open for business!
    • Some of you may know that for the past three years I have been sharing one of the most luxurious spaces to entertain in.  As much as I adore that space, it has come time for me to take charge of my time and have my own space.  This allows me more flexible scheduling, the ability to take last-minute and same-day appointments, and it also gives you gentlemen the option of calling me or texting me!  I strive to be as accommodating as possible to my lovely gentlemen, and I hope that you will fall in love with my new space just like I have.  It is centrally located between Pioneer Square and the Central District, with ample free parking.  It is easily accessible from both I-5 and I-90, and is ridiculously easy to get to.  Come and see my amazing view!
  • Complete website overhaul!
    • I take pride in my website, as anyone can tell.  I have taught myself no small amount of code to make sure that every bit and byte is absolutely perfect, and I go over the text with a fine toothed comb more often than is probably healthy.  I will be transferring my domain name to better suit my site, my personality, and for ease of use (let’s face it, I chose quite the name!).  Instead of http://www.MagdaleneOfSeattle.com you can now find my niche in cyber space at www.MagdaleneHart.com.  Isn’t that easier?  I’m streamlining my website to match this blog, my Twitter and my email address.  All email will now be forwarded to my new address, MagdaleneHart@gmail.com .  And don’t worry if you forget, I have a nifty forwarding bot sending me all of my mail from my old address.
  • Vegas-Style Raffles
    • For those on my Twitter feed, I gave a bit of a tantalizing tease on how one could possibly win the chance of 2 hours with me for the small tribute of $50.  Here is the skinny: I have a lovely, kinky, and literary wish list at Amazon.com (feel free to browse, click the link!) and having just moved into a splendid new space, I feel the need to decorate to just my taste.  But I do care about what my clients find alluring, too!  So check it out, pick an item or two, and leave me a sweet note with it with your name and email address.  Your note will be put into a hat, and come April 1st I will draw a lucky winner!  Each entry is based on a dollar amount, $5-50 gets one entry, $51-100 gets two entries, and so on.  I will video my drawing, and post it to my website.  I will also, of course, email the lucky man privately to let him know he’s won two hours to do whatever he wishes!  My drawings will continue quarterly (or until we all get bored) but what a rush!  (Please note that no item on my list is exempt.  Fill my Kindle with e-books if you are so inclined!)
  • Fantasies ala Magdalene
    • You know the love/hate relationship Companions such as myself have about reviews, right?  On the one hand, they drive our business (when glowing and sexy, obviously) and give clients and potential clients a warm fuzzy.  On the other hand, delicate dames such as myself get twitchy when a man gets a little too carried away with the blow-by-blows, and really, any free-form review that blatantly discusses sexual acts can be construed as an admission of illegal activity, and no lady wants that.  So, here’s what I will start doing: I will pluck some of my more favorite reviews from the boards, and recall some of my favorite experiences and re-write them, from my perspective, as erotic fiction.  There is something so deliciously tantalizing about whispering fantasies into a lover’s ear, and this is what I endeavor to do.  Henceforth I will not be acknowledging my reviews, though I won’t go so far as to forbid them.  I know that some gentlemen enjoy stretching their literary muscles and can spin quite a sexy and torrid tale.
  • A bit of 1950s hospitality
    • I have been wanting to offer something like this for quite some time now.  I know that some men haven’t had a home-cooked meal in quite some time.  Of course, going out to dinner is a lovely treat, but sometimes one desires something familiar, intimate, and discreet.  I am pleased to announce that I will be building an exciting lunch and dinner menu, cooked to order and from scratch.  Come dine with me, dressed in my pearls and heels, for a light lunch or hearty dinner.  This add on gives us an extra hour to any session and is only a $100 consideration.  I will require 50% in advance, for supplies and as a solid reservation, and please tell me if you desire a specific meal or require special dietary restrictions.  Also, help me become a better baker by availing yourself to my fresh-baked treats during our session!  Everything from cookies and cake, to bread and pasties.  What better way to come in out of the cold than to smell something delicious in the oven!
  • Brand new media and Members Only!
    • Now, bear with me here, since this is the MOST experimental I’ve ever gotten.  I am weary of hearing “Oh, Magdalene you are so much prettier in person!  Your pictures just don’t do you justice!”  It’s sweet and endearing, but I am always striving for transparency and I always feel like I’m misrepresenting myself in my media.  So, to try and counter that (and, let’s face it, to showcase my personality) I’ve decided to start uploading videos of myself!  Some scantily clad movie reviews, perhaps a sexy baking lesson, a few romantic poetry recitations, you name it!  I will also be setting up a Members Only section on my website, and for a nominal fee you can enjoy a digital strip tease, a tantalizing nude news segment, a proper blow job demonstration, and maybe even an erotic pedicure.  Members will also have access to my digital store, to purchase digital or print copies of my pictures, and be able to download some of your favorite clips.  I will also be accepting special requests through my media site, so if you have ever wanted to see me sudsing up in my bath or cooking breakfast naked, here is your chance.

Whew!  See what I’ve done to myself?  You can call me anything you like, as long as you don’t call me conservative!  This is the most ambitious adventure I’ve ever entered into, and let me remind you that I went through 9 weeks of Basic Training hell and topped it off with a two month-long stint in the Arizona mountains.

Feel free to send me inquiries on time-lines, suggestions, or a funny cat picture to keep my frazzled nerves from coming completely undone.

Kiss kiss!!

What’s In Your Hooker Bag?

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Oh yay my first official Ask Mag! Entry!

Mysterious Stranger* writes:

Mag, I’m a huge fan of your blog! [aww thanks!]. My question is this: I see a lot of girls in my home, and sometimes they show up with a small duffle bag of stuff! It’s not very discreet. What do you take to outcalls, so I can link those girls to your blog?

*I made up this name. I don’t want to run the risk of someone recognizing a nom de plume. I’ll make up a name for each entry

Well, Mr. Mysterious, first of all I’m sorry that the girls you are choosing have such a lack of creativity! Asking a girl to be discreet when they come to your home is a fair and easy request to make, I think. Here’s what I bring to every out call. Feel free to send them this list or link back to my blog.

In a small handbag (roughly 10inX6inX3in)

  • 6 condoms (flavored,
  • small/med/large, latex and latex-free
  • Small tube of water-based lube
  • Two pairs of undies
  • Two pair non-latex gloves
  • ACLU “Don’t Talk To Cops” card (don’t judge. It could happen)
  • Small make-up kit w/ lipstick, powder, eye shadow and concealer
  • Travel hair brush
  • Travel toothbrush, paste and mouth wash
  • Travel deodorant
  • Baby powder
  • Baby oil
  • Now, for special requests, I have a shoulder bag big enough for a pair of heels, change of clothes/lingerie, a few toys and maybe a few nibbles, but that’s strictly on request. A girl should be able to carry her “essentials” in a tiny purse. Hell, the hair brush, tooth brush, make up and skin care things could be easily stashed in the lady’s car and never brought up to the clients’ house.

    As a little afterward, a girl should always travel with her own condoms and lube. Yes, I know most guys are thoughtful and keep their own stash, but girls, DON’T RELY ON IT. It’s unprofessional. Plus, you never know if his condoms are old, punctured, or disagree with your lady bits.

    Woo! How’s that for the first crack at Ask Mag!?

    Curious about change

     

    It’s no real secret that I love my job because of the flexibility it brings.  How many people can decide, on a whim, to lay out in the sun and conduct business?  Or call up a client and say “You know what, how about lunch on the pier?” Or, as a matter of course, be taken to the opera or a musical?  I love my job with a passion.  How many can say their work is their paramour?


    But it’s not all wine and roses.  We call into complacency, trusting that “how it’s been” will be how it always will be.  This is never true in a service business, no matter what the flavor.  So, in the month that I’ve been fairly quiet and out of reach, I’ve been trying to think about how I can

    a) boost my visibility in the “field” as it were
    b) keep all of my favorite darlings (read: YOU guys!!) abreast of new information (see what I did there? *wink*)
    c) stay in touch easier and more efficiently
    d) make sure everything stays fun!

    I like busy- I like having a schedule I can fall back on.  But /how/ does one go about it?  Someone told me I should start leasing ad space on this blog and on my website.  I’m not too keen on that, even though it’ll pull in more traffic and bump me up in Google ratings.  Even if I limited it to ad space of an adult nature, it’s difficult to do that and keep one’s blog or site looking clean.  I don’t want the first thing a person sees on my site to be an ad for hand cuffs or a discount on a liter of lube (though, both of those things are awesome).

    Advertising on escort malls is another thing mentioned to me.  I’ve looked into it, and just the nature of the PNW leads me to believe it’s a money sink with very little pay off.  I don’t know anywhere else that is driven so much by local board traffic!  Eros seems to be the end-all, be-all, but for $100/mo just for a basic ad, I wish I could get some sort of guarantee that it’d be worth it.

    Locally, I’ve been fascinated with my own personal providers.  (No, not like that!)  My waxer has this lovely scheduling system where you see her once, then she gives you a card with an invite code to her online scheduling service.  She lists her available days/times which are updated automatically, and you choose the day, time, duration and kind of service you want.  You use your code so she knows who you are and then you get an email confirmation the day before.  It’s ingenious and so very clean and simple!  I do wish I could implement something similar, but I’m not entirely certain that would be… oh I don’t know it just doesn’t feel very intimate.  You all know how I love to be…. intimate ;).

    You know what I’ve always wanted to try?  Webcamming.  Just me, my little camera, a lacy outfit and a chat room all for me.  I could answer questions, maybe indulge in a few requests, we could flirt and tease and have some good clean fun.  Checking into places like niteflirt and the like doesn’t seem like something I’d want to do (pay scale is confusing, competition is fierce and let’s be honest, I don’t think I could stop giggling) but maybe something like an open Skype channel in lieu of a meet and greet or something.  It’s an idea.

    So, this ramble can really be pared down to a few things:

    I’m trying to keep myself motivated and excited about my passion
    I’m thinking of more fun and interesting ways to keep my darlings happy
    I’m recognizing that I don’t like the feeling of stagnation that comes with complacency
    I’m looking for different ways to do the same things, just better!

    What is the answer?  I’m not sure!  Great ideas do NOT occur in a vacuum, so I do hope that my lovelies out there might have an opinion or two.  Now, in the spirit of trying new things, I’m going to make a poll.  I hope one or two of you might take the time to click it 😉