Why did Mrs. Claus kick Santa out? Because he called her a “Ho, ho, ho!”

I can hear you groaning from here!  But, tis the season to be jolly!  I love a good groaner as much as the next one!

In the holiday spirit, I give you my own rendition of The 12 Days of Christmas!

On the First day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Second day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Third day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

Oh the Fourth day of Christmas my lover gave to me: Four kinds of coffee, three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

On the Fifth day of Christmas my lover gave to me: FIVE LACY THONGS!!! Four kinds of coffee, three massage candles, two sets of stockings and striped socks that go over my knees!

I am having a ridiculous time thinking up things that are A) sexy, B) up my ally, and C) fit the rhyme and rhythm scheme!  I give up!  I know an extremely kinky versions of the 12 Days of Christmas, full of cock rings and whips and 12 bare hand spankings.  Oh my!

During these holiday times, I like to think back on my life to remind myself how good I have it.  Tis the season for egg nog and holly, but it’s also the cold Winter that chills families without heat, and can even kill those poor souls without shelter.  I donate my time at the VA Hospital throughout the year, but during Winter I walk around handing out food and warm liquids to the homeless vets I know are out pan handling.  If I can (and if they’ll let me) I try to get them into a shelter or even hospital.  It’s not much, but what I do really makes me feel like I’m attempting to do some good in the lives of others.

So, with my preachy preachiness out of the way, can I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, a Memorable Kwanza and a Joyful Solstice.  And, of course, there’s Festivus for the Rest-of-us, air your grievances to the right.

seasons

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