Greetings and salutations my lovers, dreamers, lovely ladies and gorgeous gentlemen! It’s been an age, so let’s get to the updates of the whirlwind I call Magdalene’s Life!
I horrid with chronological time, so I’ll start from now and back up to the last time we spoke.
Did everyone enjoy the snow? It was some kind of magic that convinced me to step out Saturday night after a long, tedious illness, and let me tell you I was dressed to KILL! (For those curious, I wore a red silk blouse with puffed sleeves, a tight little wiggle skirt with a bit of flair at the bottom in a tight herringbone pattern, my favorite black leather bow belt and European wingtip heels. Add a black silk ascot and some black jeweled hair combs and I was just lovely!) As some of you know, I’ve been searching for THE PERFECT wool long coat to wear with my vintage creations, preferably something with a bit of fur about the neck, you know, for warmth. I haven’t quite found it yet, but can’t you just imagine?
Anyway, so I’m walking to my favorite hole in the wall from my car and it starts dusting with the tiniest little flakes, and the street goes quiet and you can smell the ice in the air and it was magical. After a few drinks, some friendly carousing, and one very long discussion on the merits of “radical honesty” I tripped out of there looking for adventure and there is no less than 4 inches of snow on my car! Ever the Girl Scout (I was, you know) I’m able to wipe, scrape and otherwise defrost my car so I can safely drive to my next engagement. It’s perhaps 9:30-10pm, and everything is slow, but steady, and I’m not worried. Seattlites always freak out at first snow fall but I was impressed with how restrained their panic seemed to be. I am literally a block and a half from my destination when WOOSH! my car suddenly decides to pull a weird physics maneuver and slide sideways ever so gently into a wide ditch that borders the “swamp” that acts as some kind of reservoir for the area. I was more shocked than scared, though I did have a fleeting fear of “What happens if the snow gives way and I sink into that half-frozen swamp full of brackish water and who knows what!?”, but my car, thankfully, decided that it was done acting a fool.
Though I was unable to reverse or wiggle out of the slope I was able to safely get my little butt out and back onto the street. Lo and behold, two lovely Portlanders who had also recently found themselves in a ditch walked up to me and inquired as to my safety. The woman was laughing to herself the entire time, she just couldn’t believe such a small amount of snow could cause this amount of problems, but the man was somehow fixated on the fact that I was wearing (2 inch) heels, and somehow that made walking in snow not just impractical, but impossible. His continual offers to walk me to wherever I was going (even so much as to carry me!) was sweet to the point of silliness, but his female companion finally convinced him that I wasn’t wearing stilettos or anything dangerous and to leave me be.
I made it safely to my secondary location, and being the incredible hosts that they are, welcomed all their snow-bound friends to stay the night and engage in the frivolity that being “snowed in” offers. Cocoa, rum, a Firefly marathon and a very fun game of “Catch Phrase”. Moral of this story? A true friend offers you a couch and a mug of hot buttered rum, there’s never a reason NOT to look fabulous, and this girl can successfully trek up a snowy slope in heels and a pencil skirt like a BOSS.
The beginning of our grey February saw me in the grips of one of the worst head cold/affliction of my adult life. After watching friend after loved one come down with the flu or the dreaded “winter chill” I brazenly thought I was in the clear! It seems my penchant for playing nurse maid finally caught up with me, however, because I was down for the count for a good two weeks. I am NOT a good “sick person”, I get irritated quickly with my body not conforming to what I think it should do as a matter of course. So I had a small army of friends checking in and bringing me soup just so I wouldn’t be the bull-headed woman I can be. I’m one of the only people I know who will actively try to do a cardio workout with a head full of cotton. I abhor being sick, that feeling of your body weighing a ton and moving as if stuck in a particularly thick Jell-o mold and being unable to breathe normally is the bane of my existence. Call it residual military training, but I can’t get over the fact that if I’m not dead or have an actual broken bone I should be able to function at at least 80% capacity at all times. This illness was a real test of patience. (I also broke a toe during this trial. I really should consider getting another bed frame… I swear the one I have is attempting to murder me through clumsiness and hidden corners)
But wait, it’s not all bad news! January 1st brought with it a new set of resolutions and experiments to beautify and re-energize my mind, body and soul and I dove in head first. My gym experience has really expanded my love of physical activity and I am learning whole new fun ways to get hot and sweaty. My trainer even signed me up for what they call a 90 Day Challenge, where I sign up for a dedicated training regimen, stick to a proper diet, enter into specialized classes and see just how far my dedication can go in 90 days. I’m half way through and I am so damned proud to announce that even WITH my illness side tracking my workouts I have lost 7.2 LBS and an inch off of my waist and thighs. My goal of “the perfect ten” where there is a 10 inch difference between my waist and hips is slowly coming into view! I’m eating a “clean” diet free of grains, legumes, dairy and sugar and lifting very lady-like weights (I can clean and jerk 40LBS, leg press 75LBS, and using 15-25LBS free weights) and I can feel my body getting stronger, firmer, and even more curvaceous.
Now, before I get concerned emails and comments worrying about my physique, I PROMISE you all I am doing all of this with my very learned trainer’s blessing and encouragement. Ladies don’t generally “bulk up” when they lift weights, though there is an initial “swell” as the muscle growth temporarily outpaces the fat melting. My diet is high enough in good calories and protein that I won’t simply waste away to sinew and bones, and my main goal (other than just being fabulous) is to get stronger and to build up the stabilizer muscles in my joints so I hopefully have less pain and fewer sprains. I’ve always had a decent amount of muscle, as those who’ve known me for years can attest, and I am simply refining all of that. I am NOT planning on getting “ripped”, I quite like my soft curves and gentle rises and falls of my body and I am only striving to meet a more “pin up” ideal. The best “side effect” of all of this is I’ve actually GAINED a half inch around my bust, and my intimate friends assure me that my girls have gotten bigger, fuller, and even perhaps more perky! Who knew that exercise was the answer to time and gravity!
I have also nigh eliminated all chemicals from my body. Instead of a chemically laced facial cleanser, I am washing my face with raw, organic honey to improve my complexion and soften my skin. Instead of sulfate-laden shampoos and conditioners, I am rinsing my tresses with a concoction of baking soda and apple cider vinegar, and moisturizing my locks with a mix of jojoba and argan oil. I’ve been “sugar buffing” my skin with a home made sugar scrub of raw, organic sugar, honey, sweet almond oil and just a few drops of bergamot for scent. For those curious, I keep my soft skin near-cashmere smooth with a milk and honey bath soak once a week. If it’s good enough for Cleopatra, it’s good enough for me! Not to worry, dear sirs and madams, I will still have conventional cleaning products for you during our play time, but if you see a strange mix of jars and bottles with strangely colored contents, have no fear. I don’t expect everyone to embrace my “crunchy, hippy ways”, but if ever you are curious, I am happy to include a sexy sugar scrub for two, followed by a luxurious hot oil body treatment at our next tryst.
So! That is what my life has been up to since last we spoke! Add in my lovely mentorships of some HIGHLY sensual women (Miss Poppy Black, Miss Sofina, and newcomer the lovely Miss Samantha Maddox) and my life is full to bursting; in a good way. My lust for teaching new things and discovering hidden talents runs unabated and I wouldn’t have it any other way! In the coming weeks, there will be some SORELY delayed essays on a few new observations I’ve been making in and around our sordid “Hobby” of ours, and I hope that we can all have a good chuckle and ponder the wonders that our little micro-community brings.